Artist Statement

I find it hard to be vulnerable. I find that my very human, messy, being is what I often try to conceal. Embarrassed- I try to keep my body and my emotions contained, neat and presentable. Yet somehow, like water in tightly clasped hands it always finds a way to slip through the cracks, despite my best efforts.

As I work, my mind and body intuitively create reflections of my innermost conflict and where I feel the most insecure. Such as my femininity- how does one feel confident in her femininity when to be a female feels vulnerable and dangerous? To always have to be enough, but also not too much. Where your body is controlled by those around you and feels as though it is never yours. How does a biracial person navigate being in a place of constant flux and gray matter? Seeking to feel as though I have a sense of belonging. 

My map-like imagery forms an understanding and serves as a guide to these soft places, where my fragility is found. I work with materials and colors that are symbolic of warmth and comfort in order to soothe the process of revealing. I am fascinated by the repetition of branching patterns found in multitudes in our everyday lives. What is found in leaves, tree branches, rivers, and lightning matches the veins in our bodies and the winding roads and streets around us. I use windows and passages to give glimpses into something that is much more, never intending to fully reveal everything all at once. I find my vulnerability happens in similar, small, fragile moments where understanding can be found. 

Threads are connectors, bridges, or paths between colors and shapes. Fabric is used as the opposite, it serves as walls and barricades, as it covers what is too vulnerable to show. I work in a way that is reactive to what's on the surface, always in flux, never knowing when it might change. I begin with ephemeral watery layers of acrylic and build upon it, each layer different from the last. My desire for control amongst the turbulence of my vulnerability appears in the form of pristine graphite drawings. Once a piece has captured my experience I then decide what gets revealed and what remains private. Sometimes the piece is separated into disparate parts, never to be understood in its entirety again.

My process is based on the act of giving and taking. I begin each piece with a question often regarding the things I struggle with the most such as identity, emotional state, and femininity. Once I am completed with the work I end up having answers to take with me. I am drawn to materials that allow me to work with my hands. Much like the soil, soot, and silk from the earth charcoal, pastels, and embroidery provide strong physical connections. Materials such as ink or watercolor are similar to lakes and oceans and provide a loud voice for communication though their unpredictable nature.